


Touch

by bestaceinspace



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 05:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11373879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestaceinspace/pseuds/bestaceinspace
Summary: The first time Makoto touched him lightly in his right shoulder, and Sousuke didn’t move away, Makoto smiled so brightly it felt like the whole sky cleared and opened up for them.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> No beta. And english is not my first language so be nice if there is mistakes. No, actually, sorry if it's not so good. It's probably my first time writing SouMako, but I finally dealt with my anxiety and decided to post it.
> 
> Blame Sleeping at Last for being my offical soundtrack for these two. 
> 
> Also would like to thank my rewatch of Free! this year for making me ship SouMako even more. Aaaaand can I just say how important Sousuke is to me as someone who suffers from chronic pain? I put a lot of what I deal with in this so yeah. Love him. Want to protect him forever. 
> 
> Ok bye this is getting long.

" _When will I feel this_ __  
as vivid as it truly is;  
Fall in love in a single touch  
and fall apart when it hurts too much”

(Touch – Sleeping at Last)

 

//

 

The first time Makoto tried to touch his shoulder, Sousuke flinched immediately. He didn’t know how Makoto even managed to find him, in the first place, or why he even bothered to look, but that didn’t matter anyway. _Just leave, please_ he thought, but, well, there they were, with Sousuke still sitting down on the floor with his back pushed against the wall, almost like he was trying hard to make himself disappear into it.

Makoto simply retracted his hand, though, not leaving, not moving at all, frozen in place, as much as Sousuke, looking down at him. And, shit, Sousuke couldn’t look back. Was this some form of pity? He wouldn’t be surprised, especially with the way he knew Makoto always tended to try and help everyone.

In the end, he could only think about the pity he may have seen in Makoto’s eyes, or was it worry? It didn’t make sense. Either way, it all made Sousuke frown even more and turn his head away from Makoto, letting his hand fall down to his lap, no longer holding his shoulder. After a while he thought Makoto had left, but, no, suddenly he was feeling Makoto sit down by his left side, yet keeping a safe distance between their bodies.

“I’m sorry I tried to touch you”, he said, then, and Sousuke turned his head. Makoto’s eyes were not focused on him; he was staring down at his own hands on his lap. Sousuke noticed he moved them uncomfortably, and he looked restless. Why was it that at the same time that he was glad Makoto didn’t touch him he also regretted that he impulsively flinched away?

“I’m fine”, Sousuke said in the end, after a while, knowing that it was clear that he wasn’t fine. “You worry too much.”

“And is that such a bad thing?” Makoto asked, honestly curious, not like it would change his behavior, Sousuke pondered, surprised do feel himself smile a bit despite the pain he was in.

“I just don’t get you”, and, as much as his answer was honest, it was not as if Sousuke didn’t seem to be trying, by how much he found himself looking at Makoto. _And_ , if he wasn’t delirious, he noticed Makoto looking at him, _too_ , more than a few times. Still, Sousuke couldn’t seem to understand _why_. Well, at least he knew why _his_ eyes wandered so much in search for Makoto, but it wasn’t like he was ready to admit anything, especially not to the guy next to him.

“I’m not such a complicated person”, Makoto said with a smile and to that, Sousuke found himself silent again. _Well, that makes at least one of us_ , he thought, laughing bitterly. Makoto looked up at him, frown between his eyebrows, green eyes so focused that if Sousuke stared right at them he felt like Makoto could end up reading him, seeing _though_ him. It wasn’t like he already didn’t feel like that all the time.

Makoto stayed quiet as well, but not moving, and Sousuke just let his eyes close and his head fall back. After sometime, Makoto moved uncomfortably, and Sousuke opened his eyes, his head still resting against the wall. He was _so_ tired he didn’t even bother going away.

“Can I try something?” Makoto asked, and Sousuke had no idea what to expect from that and that was also the last thing he thought Makoto would say. “I’m not going to touch your shoulder, I promise.”

Sousuke, for a moment, felt something he couldn’t explain by hearing such honesty in Makoto’s voice. He could feel his heart beat faster for some reason, too, and it was so loud to his ears he wondered how Makoto couldn’t hear it, too, in the silence that fell between them. Sousuke nodded, noticing that he didn’t answer Makoto’s question. He looked at his side just in time to see Makoto reach out for Sousuke’s hand, holding it between his own.

Soon, Sousuke felt Makoto’s thumb rubbing circles against the back of his hand in a soothing motion and, not understanding how, Sousuke caught himself finding the movement comforting; he couldn’t deny it distracted him a bit from the pain as well as calming his breathing.

“Is this okay?” Makoto asked, wanting to make sure. Sousuke just nodded with his head again and closed his eyes, focusing on Makoto’s touch and nothing else. It seemed like it could work, if at least for some time, as long as Makoto wished to stay with him that was.

“Sousuke”, Makoto said simply, and Sousuke thought his name sounded perfect on Makoto’s lips like that. He did ask Makoto to call him by his first name and didn’t regret it one bit. “Do you mind if I talk for a while?”

Sousuke thought about it for a moment there. Makoto didn’t seem to be someone so talkative but, well, maybe it was just another way of distracting him and, besides, Sousuke had to admit he loved Makoto’s voice and, hearing it, alongside the touch, seemed to be perfect at the moment. He shook his head, glancing at Makoto and then stopping to look at his hand trapped between Makoto’s.

“I don’t mind”, he said, his voice hoarse. _I don’t mind you being here at all_ , he also admitted to himself.

He smiled a bit after Makoto nodded at him, smiling, too, even blushing a little, and soon Makoto’s voice filled the silence again, and Sousuke let himself follow it, letting it try to take his mind further away from the pain.

 

//

 

He didn’t mind, after sometime with Makoto, the sudden and random touches here and there. In fact, he looked forward to them.

Sometimes they were so subtle no one would notice, as if they were happening (whatever it was starting between them) in the shadows, in the background. But Sousuke didn’t care at all; he liked it better that way, even, knowing that Makoto also wouldn’t like having too much attention on them. So Sousuke let it grow, just like that, and Makoto followed along.

They moved together from there; to whenever what they had could take them.

The first time Makoto touched him lightly in his right shoulder, and Sousuke didn’t move away, Makoto smiled so brightly it felt like the whole sky cleared and opened up for them.

 

//

 

Makoto touched him and it was like a whole new universe was born inside Sousuke. Makoto moved; his touch caressed his body gently, in a way no one ever did, and the world shifted in place.

Everything made sense inside Sousuke’s head. They both came alive, moving together, like they did since the start. Sousuke held tight onto Makoto, his arms around his waist, but also letting the other pull back if he ever decided to let go. Not that Sousuke would ever want that, not anymore.

Makoto stopped with the touches after a while, though, looking down yet still lying on top of Sousuke, his green eyes filled with worry.

“I’m not going anywhere”, he murmured close to Sousuke’s mouth, reassuring, reading his thoughts. _Maybe I look worried_ , Sousuke thought. _Maybe I’m thinking too much._

Sousuke’s only response was to kiss Makoto. He didn’t want to think about that, and Makoto resumed touching him then, hands resting around his neck, playing with his hair. His fingers still trembled a bit when he moved to hold onto Sousuke’s shoulders, and so Sousuke stopped for a moment to look at him again.

“It’s okay”, he smiled up at Makoto, resting their foreheads together, breathing in slowly. He took Makoto’s left hand in his right, intertwining their fingers.

Soon Makoto relaxed again and gave him a smile that no words could describe, his hands resting again on Sousuke’s shoulders, as his thumbs started rubbing at them carefully and with all the tenderness and love he could put in that simple touch. It was what was left to make Sousuke all but melt against him.

 

//

 

It wasn’t always easy, and he didn’t even remember how the fight started, just of how much Makoto looked hurt when Sousuke pushed him away. It was also the first time Makoto’s touch felt like ice on his skin, making him shiver and shy away like a hurt animal. Not only his right shoulder, but his whole body was aching, pulling at something inside of him he didn’t know could break so easily.

Maybe it was all for the darkness suddenly overcoming the green of Makoto’s eyes; that was really like a knife in his chest.

“I thought we were past this”, Makoto whispered, not looking at him. He crossed his arms in front of his body, like he was holding onto himself.

Sousuke only fell silent, letting his hands close into tight fists beside his body, his shoulder aching still.

Makoto kept looking away, and it scared Sousuke when he thought he saw tears forming in Makoto’s eyes. That was not what he wanted at all to happen; he just wished the pain would go away. It wasn’t fair to him, and it wasn’t fair to Makoto that he was just simply angry, couldn’t control it, and every feeling was like a bunch of needles pressing against his body.

“I just wish you would stop looking at me like I’m going to break”, he said without much thinking, and Makoto’s eyes shot up, staring at him widely.

“I don’t do that”, Makoto said quickly, giving him a look that shouted _pity_ inside Sousuke’s brain. Even though he still told himself it was not right to think that, Makoto even said it so many times that it wasn’t pity, it was caring. He only cared, that was all, and it hurt him to see Sousuke that way. Yes, hurt, that was what he saw mostly on Makoto’s eyes.

And _Sousuke_ did that.

“Makoto, you can’t always help me”, he said. And why? Why would he say more things that he knew could hurt Makoto even more? But it was the truth nonetheless.

“I can at least try”, Makoto said; voice louder for the first time. His hands were shaking and he had tears running down his cheeks. Sousuke only hurt more, looking away, looking at anywhere but Makoto’s face. He felt like all the air had been sucked from their small apartment and he couldn’t breathe or think right. “And even though you never believe me, things will be o—“

“Don’t say that”, Sousuke said before Makoto could finish. Thing wouldn’t be okay, at least not now. “Just…”, but he didn’t know how to continue. Sousuke just shook his head, still not looking at Makoto. He stared at the door, instead, thinking, still feeling Makoto’s worried eyes on him.

Makoto had said he thought they were past this, yet Sousuke knew he couldn’t be sure he would ever get past it. Get over it, because he knew he needed to let it all go. He needed to stop thinking about a dream that was long gone; dead, just like he felt sometimes, without the swimming.

“I need to go for a walk”, he decides, putting on his sneakers and looking up at Makoto one last time.

“Sousuke”, Makoto let out tiredly, still standing there, his back against the wall like he was depending on it to keep standing. His eyes were red and his hand shook when he tried to reach again for Sousuke’s arm. He stopped in the last minute, letting his hand fall. Sousuke opened the door.

“I’m sorry”, he said before leaving.

.

_I’m not going anywhere, if you don’t want me to._ Sousuke read on his phone an hour later when he was still walking, cursing under his breath that he left without a coat. His hands were freezing, too, but at least the pain on his shoulder had subsided, and he could think clearer.

He needed to apologize, that was for sure, and he couldn’t help but smile sadly at Makoto’s text, feeling guilty for making Makoto worry so much. It was like he had lost track of time and he needed to go back.

What he had done to deserve someone like Makoto in his life, someone who would never give up on him, he had no idea.

_I know. I don’t want that._

He sent back, because, yes, he did know. Just a fight wouldn’t break them, not after going through so much together. Sometimes Sousuke just needed to clear his head. Sometimes Makoto had to understand there was nothing he could do (not in some moments, anyway) and that was okay. Being there was already enough.

_I love you._

Sousuke wrote it and hit send, already planning on saying it to Makoto in person. He turned around and started to jog back home, thinking that maybe he could warm up more that way; also thinking about Makoto’s warmth waiting for him.

 

//

 

Sousuke told Makoto to close his eyes and, after making a face at him and throwing some puppy eyes his way, his boyfriend agreed. They were sitting down on the sand cross legged, facing each other, the only sound being of the waves breaking and the wind blowing. It was a perfect sunset, the sky was all sorts of oranges and yellows, and Sousuke couldn’t help but notice how it all made Makoto’s hair shine even more with the light, like he was radiant. Well, he really was.

Sousuke took a deep breath and felt his hands shaking when he took Makoto’s right hand in his and slipped a silver ring into the other’s ring finger, still keeping the one for himself inside his pocket.

He had never been so nervous in his life, because he knew he wasn’t good with words, but, when Makoto’s eyes opened wide and he stared at him in awe, Sousuke knew that maybe they weren’t that much needed after all.

“Sousuke?” Makoto let out in a whisper, looking at his hand and then at Sousuke and then at his hand again. His hands were also shaking and he looked completely adorable, confused and all. “What is…”, he started asking, looking at the ring like was an object from another planet.

“It’s a promise”, Sousuke said quickly before he had any chance of losing his courage. He put his right hand back inside his pocket, holding the ring he got for himself. “That one day I will make you as happy as you make me.”

Makoto just kept staring at him, mouth opened in awe.

“And”, Sousuke added, “If one day you happen to want to marry me, too, I’d be totally okay with that.” He laughed nervously at that, God, was he awkward around Makoto sometimes.

“Is that yours?” Makoto asked looking Sousuke’s hand now out of his pocket and closed in a tight fist.

“Oh, well, yeah”, Sousuke answered, opening his hand to reveal another silver ring, identical to the one on Makoto’s finger. “Is that a yes?”

Makoto simply took the ring and, with hands shaking as well, put it on Sousuke’s finger.

“Of course”, Makoto smiled but then, suddenly, he frowned at Sousuke. “Of course it’s a yes, but there is just one thing wrong in all this.”

Sousuke just stared at him and waited; his heart beating faster inside his chest.

“You already make me just as happy as I make you.”

Sousuke rolled his eyes at that, trying to hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

“Of course you would say something like that.”

“Hey”, Makoto punched his left shoulder lightly and playfully. “You are the sappy one doing all this for me.”

And if it was possible, Sousuke blushed even more.

“Stop it”, Sousuke said, looking away. “I wanted to do something nice, that’s all.”

Makoto rested his arms on Sousuke’s shoulders, getting his attention back.

“It was perfect”, Makoto said with a smile and kissed him, a long, heated and perfect kiss, the palms of his hands going up to rest on Sousuke’s cheeks.

It was getting dark and the sun was already down, but Sousuke’s face was warm where Makoto hands were, and he knew there was no place else he would rather be than at the end of Makoto’s touch.


End file.
